i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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