69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My pussy is not your playground.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
