I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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