You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
