Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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