I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
