weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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