Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
