My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
