Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
