i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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