I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
