I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize