By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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