i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize