I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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