I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
