i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this boner is exhausting
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
