Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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