Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
