No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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