just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
