My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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