They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
