Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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