But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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