things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
