I'm lost and stupid without you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
