all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
