I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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