Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
