Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
