Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
