Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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