Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
