he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
