After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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