I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
