Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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