I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize