we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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