you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
