it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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