im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
