I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
