Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm like, not good at living.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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