pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
