WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
