you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize