so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
