Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
