why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
