how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
