Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
