I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
