oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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