Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
