I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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