he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
