I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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