I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
