"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
