OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
