I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
