then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize