I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
