he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
